One of Paul Gaugin's big bottomed beauties

The half freighter/half passenger ship Aranui III is in Devonport dry dock right now undergoing it’s tri-annual spring clean before a soft refit will be carried out back in Tahiti and this lifeline to the outer Tahitian islands, will be cruising again. For 50 years the Aranui has serviced the Marquesas and passengers have been tagging along now for about 20 years. Only 200 passengers are onboard when the ship is full.

The pool deck in Auckland

Today a whole bunch of travel agents and me got to have a sticky beak onboard, meet the owners and execs and look at a DVD of her two-week itinerary. I’ve heard about the Aranui, seen pictures, even trawled the website in times gone by, but I still wasn’t entirely sure that this was more a working ship with a rough and ready ambience or whether the cruise passengers had a bit of luxury. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the latter is true.

You’re not going to find a casino or a stage for caberets, but you will find carpetted suites with full size bathrooms, queen size beds and balconies, right down to a bunk room that can sleep up to 8. There’s a lounge with comfy chairs and a bar in the bow, and upstairs is an open plan dining room where buffet meals are served.

The Aranui III is the third ship to serve the Marquesas Islands of French Polynesia. To get there it takes about 36 hours of sailing from Papeete – plenty of time to unwind, read a book, sleep, meet your fellow passengers, check out the captain on the bridge … and by the time you arrive you’re refreshed and ready to roar. Well, as much roaring as one can expect in the tropics.

Where will the Aranui visit?

You’ll jump on in Papeete and set sail at 11am on Day 1. Day 2 is in Fakarava then Day 3 at sea as you’re full steam ahead to the Marquesas. Day 4 is in Ua Pou, Day 5 Nuku Hiva, Day 6 Hiva Oa, Day 7 Fatu Hiva, Day 8 at Hiva Oa again – this time a different port, Day 9 Tahuata, Day 10 Ua Huka, Day 11 Nuku Hiva and Ua Pou again on the other side of these islands, Day 12 is at sea as you head back to Tahiti breaking it on Day 13 at Rangiroa Lagoon and arrive back in Papeete at 9.30am on Day 14.

The Aranui lounge

Who will love this cruise?

Typically your experienced cruiser who is over the glitz and glam of onboard entertainment and is looking for an authentic experience of Tahitian life. And since they’re two weeks long, you’re probably retired or have a nice chunk of leave to use up. Excursions on these remote islands include plenty of hiking, picnics, meeting local villagers and shopping at their handcraft markets, photographing waterfalls and archeological sites, even riding horses. Not to mention swimming on idyllic and remote beaches. Back onboard there are lectures for those interested in artist Paul Gaugin, who spent the latter part of his life in Tahiti, and other stuff like archeology, culture, history – all taught by experts in their fields.

Family style dining

One day there is a 17km hike over the island and everyone does it. I LOL’d at the management who told me this. I’ve never walked 17 kms in my life! But apparently its very popular and with lunch at the top, I guess it might be the only way to get fed! The ship meets you on the other side of the island.

There is a gym onboard, but I’m reliably informed that there is so much to do on the islands that most people are knackered and just to come back for a glass of wine and a delicious dinner at the end of the day.

The Aranui suite

What are the cabins like?

Suites: There are 14 suites (12 with balconies). They have a spacious studio layout with a lounge area and a large bathroom that has a full size bathtub. Air conditioning, queen size bed, flat screen TV, fridge.

Aranui Deluxe cabin

Deluxe Cabins: There are 9 of these with opening doors that you could pull a chair up to for a breeze but not actually a balcony. These are also very spacious with a queen size bed, bathroom with bathtub, air conditioning, TV, fridge.

Aranui standard twin room

Standard Cabins: 63 standard cabins have a porthole window and are twin share with some triple share. Air conditioning and TV as well as small bathroom with a shower. You can keep your luggage here, or there is storage that the crew will arrange.

The unisex dorm

Dormitory: This ‘Class C’ room is for those who are travelling with mates or alone and want to mingle. (I met one travel agent who told me a 75-year man booked himself in the dorm and had a whale of a time!) These can sleep up to 8 in bunk beds with shared facilities and of course, air conditioning.

For more info on the Aranui III, click here for www.aranui.com

Straight from the ocean with fresh coconut milk

Dine on poisson cru

For the freshest raw fish salad you’ll ever taste, join a small throng of hungry tourists on a tiny motu (island) not far from the Intercontinental Hotel, where your shirtless chef will show you how to make poisson cru.  Using fish caught only moments ago, he cracks open a fresh coconut from a nearby tree, squeezes plenty of lime juice and a liberal sprinkling of salt with cucumber and tomatoes to garnish. Served with plenty of crusty French bread, you’ll be whipping this up at home when you get back.

Tahitian black pearls

Splash out on a rare black pearl

Browse some of the island’s stunning black pearls with their unique hues of pink, blue and green. Former Miss Moorea, Tahia Collins, runs her own business designing settings in gold, silver and some studded with diamonds. She sends her plans to Europe to be made and when they return, Tahia chooses the exact pearl to fit each one.

You can easily spend a small fortune here as she uses only the finest and rarest. The bigger the pearl, the longer it has been in the oyster and the perfect orbs are the rarest. But odd-shaped ones are endearing, and some would say, even more unique.

Lunchtime!

Swim with Dolphins that worked for the US government

The Moorea Dolphin Centre is based at the Intercontinental where you’ll find fenced-off areas of the lagoon where you can actually jump in, clad in snorkel and mask, with a dolphin trainer and watch these amazing mammals up close and personal.

Two of the bottlenose dolphins, Aito and Hina, are former US Navy officers who were used to detect bombs on ships until they retired here in 1996. You’re so close you can stick your goggled face under the water and watch these majestic and powerful creatures dive right in front of you, then get a photo op cuddle.

Coconut products that are good enough to eat

Get pampered with homemade spa products

Helene Spa was founded by French woman Helene Sillinger in 1999 and was the first spa to open in Tahiti. Treatment rooms are purpose-built thatched huts and a river bath is hidden under palm fronds and lush foliage with a cascade of warm water pouring into it for a quiet and blissful soak.

Helene creates the spa products herself: grated coconut (which is good enough to eat) as a moisturising rub, sand for exfoliating, manoi oil filled with tiare flowers and fresh papaya for a scrub.

On a misty day it's surreal up here

Explore the island

The road around the island is only 60 km for those who fancy hiking or exploring cultural and historical sites. The most spectacular views are seen from Belvedere Overlook and you will drive past fresh fruit stalls to taste the sweetness from the many pineapple plantations. (Moorea’s pineapples are said to be the sweetest in the world.)

Stop to swim or snorkel on quiet beaches and browse local handcrafts in tiny villages. Go jet-skiing or paragliding, SCUBA diving, canoeing or even shark feeding – which Moorea is well known for. There also several fine-dining restaurants within the resorts and in small villages that line the shores, play a round of golf, or stop and pick up some local snacks and head to a quiet beach for sunset.

Get an authentic Polynesian tattoo

The word tattoo actually comes from the Tahitian word tautau for the ‘tat tat’ sound made by the hammering of the tattoo tools. The tools consist of a comb of anywhere up to 20 needles carved from bone, shell or shark’s teeth. These are placed on the skin and the handle is tapped with a wooden stick, piercing the skin and the pigment is injected.

James Samuela is a native Tahitian whose ancestors were among the first tattoo artists in Tahiti. He trained in the art in Paris and is one of the few tattoo artists still practising traditional Polynesian tattoos and will custom-design one just for you. Read my story about him here >>>

Phew, it makes one need a cup of tea and lie down just typing that!

This shot doesn't do justice to how these boys can dance!

Tahiti’s most flamboyant festival is Heiva i Tahiti. It means Festival of Tahiti and runs from the end of June until mid July, taking in the huge celebration that is Bastille Day – the national day in France.

The waterfront in Papeete comes alive with pageants and dancing in its open amphitheatre and stage, and stalls burst with arts and crafts. In recent years there has been a revival of traditional Tahitian culture: singing, dancing, drumming, tattooing, weaving, and all of these are on display for Heiva with groups from the many islands vying for supremacy!

And for those who love to shop in foreign lands, you’ll find handmade arts and crafts, the beautiful black pearl jewellery, locally grown vanilla-infused products, clothing and hand-sewn quilts at Heiva of the Artisans which starts from mid-June and overlaps with Heiva i Tahiti.

Sporty types will be able to ogle archery contests, javelin-throwing and canoe-racing, and take plenty of photos of the bizarre race of the banana-bearers!

Here’s a quick overview of events for 2011:

- Dance Schools Heiva: June 7 to 11

- Miss Tahiti 2011 pageant: June 24

- Heiva Va’a i Tahiti: July 1, 2, 7, 14

- Heiva i Tahiti Dances and songs contests: July 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, 15, 16

- Heiva tu’aro maohi or traditional sports: July 13 – 17

- Heiva i Tahiti Awards Ceremony for dances and songs: July 21

- Heiva i Tahiti Winners: July 22

Everyone is related to someone over here on the atoll of Fakarava. I’m on a small motor boat heading across the 65km long, rectangular lagoon to a teeny, sandy outcrop for a picnic.

The perfectly clear sea makes it awkward to pee

The captains’ cousin is the man in question and he’s doing the driving. When we wade ashore, I find myself more intrigued in the two of them catching up conspiratorially under a palm tree on this island, barely big enough to swing a cat, than staring in wonder at the perfection of this little piece of paradise.

Coco, our English-speaking Chinese-American guide who was born in Tahiti and is the third member of our hosting party, gathered some dried coconut leaves (yes that’s how he got his nickname – climbing trees like the huge coconut crabs he told me about). He made a fire and the two chilly bins that he, the captain and our escapee driver carried to the spot, revealed their cargo of a table cloth and plenty of delicious food courtesy of the White Sand Beach Resort – the only hotel on the island. Today we’ll be having barbecue steak, fresh raw fish salad, bread rolls, and fruit washed down with a chilled bottle of rose.

Apparently the gendarmerie are due to arrive tomorrow and our guy either has to find a place to hide on this island which is home to less than 900 people on the skinny piece of coral-sand about 500m wide wrapping the enormous lagoon. Expelled for drunkenness by the mayor, I find it rather odd that he’d come back and drive the boat in such an overt way, perched like he was a Thai mahut on his elephant.

After lunch I chat with Coco and suddenly he notices a small mound of sand about half a kilometre away. Fakarava’s newest motu, he announces. It wasn’t there three months ago. As soon as a coconut washes up and sprouts, you’ve got yourself another island, he says. I’ve never understood how people can date islands at millions of years old, and when you see a new island forming before your eyes, it makes you wonder if this world is a lot younger than we are led to believe.

After lunch and the family pow wow is over we get back onboard and head to the tiny village of Tetemanu. I don flippers, a snorkel and mask and splash over the side to view the world below. The colour of the sea is impossibly blue. If a painter was to recreate it you’d accuse him of using artistic license with hues of blues to green and back again. In some places it is deep sapphire blue then others, bright avocado green. Peacock feathers are about as close as I can describe it without using cliches like ‘azure’ or ‘turquoise’. It’s so clear that it’s impossible to pee without lagging quite some distance behind Coco and the one other passenger floundering around.

A mountain studded with undersea flora drops into the deep blue darkness below. Fish hang out in their own cultural groups, nibbling on the ‘flowers’ and just generally cruising around. Fakarava is known for its impressive dive sites and this one is a UNESCO preserved marine site. There is no shark feeding allowed on Fakarava because hundreds of them would come – and we’re talking big boys. Up to four-metre long grey sharks, tiger sharks and harmless little reef sharks. Coco said its like swimming through a wall of sharks and you can’t see daylight above you in the water when they all gather.

But the feeding of them was only outlawed three years ago after a tour operator forgot he had one diver left in the water when he dropped a cage of chopped fish into the deep. The frenzy that ensued saw that guy lose a chunk of his leg. Word spread quickly around the motus so no one feeds them anymore.

White Sand Beach Resort

After a fascinating visit to the local pearl farm where I am shown exactly how the famous Tahitian black pearl gets its pink, blue or green sheen, we headed back to White Sand Beach Resort where our private chalets have only electricity for a couple of lights. There is no TV, cellphone coverage or WiFi. It’s perfect.

The sun sets early in Tahiti so after reading a book on my balcony until it is too dark to see I head over to the hotel restaurant before returning to collapse into my comfy bed and can’t help but wonder just how our boat driver is sleeping tonight knowing the gendarmerie is coming tomorrow.

Jump here to Tahiti Tourisme for more information on Fakarava.

Check out flights and special deals here at Air Tahiti Nui.

The view from our room, Legends

The glow of tiny lights appeared out of the night sky not five hours after we left Auckland. Tahiti and her 117 other islands are about to welcome me, this time, for my honeymoon. A three-night/two-day stopover to charge our batteries before we storm the USA for three hectic weeks.

With our wedding only days earlier and a busy time leading up to it we are looking forward to the break. This time we’re not going to pursue all those activities Tahiti is famous for: diving, swimming with dolphins, feeding rays, quad biking, visiting pearl farms, and I’m even going to forgo an evening at the roulottes (my favourite eating spot in Papeete). This time we’re looking to relax in our luxury accommodations, swim in the infinity pools of Manava Suites and Legends Resort and turn our winter skin into summer.

Arriving at nearly 10pm means the first night is in Papeete. Manava Suites, an 18-month old condominium hotel with self-contained kitchens, an infinity pool with a swim-up bar that drops into the sea under the hazy view of Moorea in the distance, is only a few minutes from the airport. It’s stylish and comfortable with views across the reef to the crashing waves pounding the rim and outrigger canoeists train in the calm water at dusk.

Just 100m down the road is a small bottle store where you can pick up a Hinano (the local beer) for 210 XFP (NZ$3.20) and a baguette or a Magnum ice cream – made in New Zealand. The hotel also has its own restaurant if you don’t want to avail yourself of your kitchenette.

The next morning we took an early ferry on the 35-minute ride to Moorea. The sky was bright blue and the strong breeze whipping up white caps turned into welcome relief beside the pool at Legends Resort. This property is only two years old, built on the hillside overlooking the Intercontinental Resort with stunning views of the coral reefs and tiny motus surrounding us. Each room is an individual villa and ours could sleep three couples if we so desired. We didn’t desire, so used the room with two single beds and windows overlooking the ocean as a day room for a little siesta after sunning ourselves on our private courtyard with its cold Jacuzzi.

Our lazy day included renting a car for the afternoon for an exploration of this rugged mountainous island shaped like a W. The sea laps up to the one road that wraps the 60km circumference. We passed pineapple stalls and mini supermarkets. But as it was Sunday alcohol is not sold after 10am and the many art and craft stores were also closed. However it wasn’t shopping we were wanting, it was a picnic on a perfect beach and we were well stocked for that.

On the way we detoured up to the Belvedere lookout on one of the craggy mountains which affords lush jungle views over Cooks Bay. A few wild chooks were pecking around the handful of people who got here before us, so we took a few photos and headed back down in search of that beach.

What we missed was the ancient Marae halfway up the winding mountain road. Afareaitu dates back to 900AD and its rocks and rooms are still laid out where ancient rituals were carried out.

The perfect spot

Just a few kilometres along we came to a public beach and tree-studded reserve where friends played volleyball, a family swam in the clear water, couples read books, and two women sat in the tiny waves drinking Hinanos. We found a palm tree on the water’s edge and threw our towels under it. Someone had a Bose iPod dock and his playlist danced through R&B, reggae and techno. It was perfect.

Sometimes in life you have a ‘snap shot’ moment. This was one of them. A moment so relaxing and sublime, I have photographed it in my mind to hang on my memory forever.

Golf - a nice walk ruined

Before we headed back we visited the Moorea Green Pearl golf course. This Jack Nicklaus-designed, par 70 championship golf course opened in 2007. Its signature hole on the back nine overlooks the lagoons and ocean back to the main island of Tahiti. After a quick Hinano in the clubhouse we set off back to our villa.

We had a full kitchen, so chose the takeaway option in our room, which I didn’t realise until after we’d bought it from the café at reception, was a microwave meal. Chicken fricassee with mushrooms for me and Moonfish with mornay sauce for him. With hindsight, dining at their restaurant or popping over to the Intercontinental would have been a better option. Two minutes on high is never going to do favours to a beautiful meal. However the tuna sashimi and tuna tartare starters were delicious and eating them in our courtyard with a nice bottle of French wine was another snap shot moment as the sky darkened and lights began twinkling below.

Click here for Air Tahiti Nui flights to Tahiti and stopover packages to USA >>>

Manava Suite Resort >>>

Legends Resort >>>

Tahiti Tourisme NZ for the Kiwis Guide to Tahiti >>>

If you are swooning, check out these deals on Air Tahiti Nui >>>

Business class (or poerava class) has four rows of six seats in a two-by-two configuration. They are not lie-flat seats but recline so far back that the person behind you in the window seat will struggle to go to the loo without waking you. Air Tahiti Nui also has one row of first class (6 seats), but as I haven’t played on these seats I’ll stick to business.

Hor d'oeurves on Air Tahiti Nui

The crew have that gracious French-Polynesian way about them. No loud voices asking if you’d like a maitai or orange juice, just quiet individual service that makes you crane your ears and relax. And if you notice carefully, they change their uniform after take-off. The girls get rid of their turquoise suits and don colourful (and easy to move in) dresses printed with Tahitian flowers.

French, Tahitian and English are spoken so the safety demonstration can take a little longer, but immediately you know you’re heading somewhere exotic. I must say, having flown this airline now about five times, I really can’t fault it.

Steak with pate and mushroom sauce

Here’s what’s for dinner out of Auckland:

Hors d’oeuvres consisted of a choice of seared scallops in lemongrass curry with baby veges or chicken terrine and shiitake mushrooms, couscous and hummus.

Mains were:

Pan-seared beef with pate on top served with mushroom sauce, asparagus and veges or chicken breast poached in orange and honey and creamy sauce, pumpkin and asparagus or salmon with creamed leek and dill sauce, asparagus and pumpkin risotto.

Then some cheeses came round and I thought we were done, but no. A dessert cart was wheeled through laden with sorbets, lemon mousse, chocolate brownie, mini pavlova and fresh fruit.

Air Tahiti Nui chicken dinner

Less than 5 hours after leaving Auckland we landed at Papeete, which at 23 hours behind New Zealand meant we had Sunday all over again.

Three days later we left for the eight-hour flight to Los Angeles at 7am but this time I didn’t pinch the menu. I had a slice of hot quiche (the Bloke calls it bacon and egg pie) for breakfast and for lunch I had a delicious rack of lamb and lobster and shrimp bisque for him.

Air Tahiti Nui uses the newly refurbished Tom Bradley terminal at LAX and it was a breeze coming through customs, although do check the baggage carousel as the helpful staff at the airport were unloading bags and stacking them where we couldn’t see.

Jump here for Air Tahiti Nui’s website and special offers >>>

Here are some ideas of how to spend a week in gorgeous Tahiti:

The infinity pool at Manava

Days 1, 2, 3: Fly into Papeete and stay at Manava Suites. They’re brand spanking new, right on the ocean looking out to Moorea and very good value. Each suite has a kitchenette which means you can go to the nearby supermarket and get gooey French cheeses and plenty of French red wine… ahh.

Le Marche, Papeete

But for fresh fish and produce, head to Le Marche in the town of Papeete. It’s no posh nosh, but it is full of locally grown and produced veges, fruit and seafood. Plus it’s stocked on 2 levels with sarongs (pareos), mother of pearl and oyster shell jewellery, vanilla beans and loads of gorgeous massage oils from vanilla or the tiare flower. There’s little knicky knacky things like baskets, bags and coconut bikini tops to buy and just people watching here will take at least an hour.

Buy ready made or whip yourself up something like this

If it’s the black pearl you’re after, don’t buy them here though – they’re most likely volcanic rock polished to look like pearls and not the real deal (although I quite like the metallic look and they make great little stocking stuffers for daughters). Instead go to the Pearl Market just down the road from Le Marche. The Tahitian black pearl is unique to this part of the world and comes in hues of pink, green, blue and gold and this is where you can pick up a gorgeous memento of your trip. You’ll find 3 floors of varying priced pearls from perfect orbs to seconds (and thirds). You can design your own piece of jewellery or choose one ready-made from the pearls of varying price and quality that come from the farms around the islands. I selected five odd-shaped thirds and had them threaded onto a a piece of leather to make a lanyard-style necklace for about $100.

For a cheap and cheerful dinner with the girls, you must head to Le Roulottes. I bang on about this place every time I write about Tahiti, but it’s well worth going to for a bit of vibe and an affordable dinner. At night this place by the port in downtown Papeete becomes a mobile outdoor food market with caravans sizzling up all sorts of delights from mahi mahi and tuna to pizza, crepes and hamburgers. Funny plastic tables are set up and the service is very, ummm, minimal. But for under NZ$25 you’ll have a tasty meal and depending on what night of the week you’re here, there will be live music and even a little dancing.

If you can drag yourself away from the infinity pool at Manava Suites, there’s plenty to do on the mainland of Tahiti during the day. Visit the Paul Gaugin museum and see his prints and a few originals (and hear saucy stories of him coming to Tahiti having been spurned by Van Gogh and spreading syphilis around the islands). If you have the energy, take a tour and hike through the jungle to waterfalls in the interior. If it’s Sunday head to one of the Polynesian churches to soak up a bit of hallelujah sung by a choir of angels. Or just lounge by the pool, read a book, sip on a glass with an umbrella in it and plan to go for dinner just a short walk from Manava Suites to an ocean front bar and restaurant (if you’re not dining at their own restaurant, that is).

A little bit of lovely at Legends Moorea

Days 5, 6 & 7: Take a ferry on the 20km voyage to Moorea (about $45 return) and stay at Legends Resort in their 1, 2 or 3 bedroom villas. They also have self-catering options with a fancy kitchen if you feel like baching it with your own private deck and soaking in your jacuzzi of an evening. If not, you can just schmooze on over to one of the restaurants.

By day you can hire a car or scooters and circle the 60km road wrapping around Moorea, stopping at little beaches and lagoons and visiting pearl farms. I find pearl farming fascinating, so if you’re anything like me and just have to know how things are made, then go on a visit and watch the delicate craft of inserting tiny marbles into the oyster with a slither of oyster ‘meat’ that will tint it with a mother of pearl hue over the next couple of years deep down in the sea.

If you’re wanting a Moorea memento (and are brave enough) get a tattoo! Here on Moorea is one of the only traditional tattooists around who uses the original tapping method. James Samuela and his American wife have a little homestay on their property too and people come from far and wide to get a tat from James who was trained in France and by elders in Tahiti. He also does the electric ink ones. Go on!

Another thing I’d do on Moorea is book a motu (island) picnic where a topless Tahitian bloke makes fresh poisson cru (raw fish salad) in front of you using fresh fish and a coconut he bashes down from a nearby tree. I just love this dish, mixed with tomatoes, cucumber, lime juice and salt and served with crusty French bread.

Also, across the road from Legends is the Intercontinental and they have a dolphin aquarium which is worth a visit. The pools are actually part of the ocean and several of their dolphins are retired US navy ‘seals’. I’m not kidding! These dolphins used to detect bombs on ships for the US navy and now live the life of luxury in Tahiti and you can get in their pools and watch them, touch them, kiss them, etc.

Helene Spa is also located at the Intercontinental and is the best one I’ve been to in Tahiti. The oils, salts and scrubs are made with local ingredients (vanilla, tiare, coconut, mango…) and they have a private rock pool with a warm waterfall that you can soak in before your treatment in a petal bath or massage in an outdoor hut. Divine.

Jump here for special packages to Manava Suites, including flights from Auckland. And here for Legends Resort Moore including flights.

Yes Bora Bora is designed by God for couples, but sometimes the lure of a trip to an overwater bungalow – even if you’re not a couple – is too hard to resist…

Even the water sports are designed for 2!

I was invited by Tahiti Tourisme to visit and I certainly wasn’t about to let the lack of companion hold me back! But the bottom line is this: everyone arrives on Bora Bora in pairs. It’s like Noah’s Ark. I was the only soloist at breakfast at the Bora Bora Lagoon Resort and Spa and all eyes fell upon me as they murmured their speculation that I must have surely been jilted at the altar but thought, bugger it, I’m going on my honeymoon anyway.

In fact a lady did just that here recently and instead of moping in sadness at her sudden single status on this island of love, she had a ball and did all the excursions she and her clearly undeserving ex had planned.

You and your true will love this

Bora Bora is the name of the gigantic lagoon encompassing several islands and also the name of the largest island in the centre which you can go on jungle hikes over and around. If you can picture one of those kitsch chip-n-dip bowls – that’s what Bora Bora originally looked like. The volcanic crater (where God’s chips went) is slowly sinking over millennia, but what is left of the inner ‘dip bowl’ is where the main island of Bora Bora is. The outer rim of the reef is dotted with islands so small that they don’t even feature on a world map.

The airport sits on one such island, barely big enough for a landing strip where boats glide into piers beside the luggage rack while resort personnel locate their guests and mark them with their hotel’s personal lei. Once the bags were loaded we hurtled across the lagoon to dots on the horizon that turned out to be the thatched roofs of over-water bungalows – and yes coffee tables with glass tops so you can peer at the fish below.

Bora Bora airport

So enchanted by the fish I was, that I donned the provided snorkel and goggles in my room, climbed down my ladder and went swimming with them, looking up into my room through the clever coffee table.

A free boat takes you across to Vaitape Pier every hour. There is a craft market here selling handmade pearl and shell jewellery and colourful sarongs. The single road that wraps around the island is edged with more souvenir shops and expensive jewellers selling Tahitian black pearls in handmade settings. I declined a trip to the Pearl Farm after I met several new husbands who had bejewelled their princesses in pearls and bought matching leather strapped pearl chokers for themselves. Instead I spent the afternoon snorkelling with stingrays and ogling tropical fish with three loved-up couples. And like Vince Vaughn and Jason Bateman, I too swam with sharks. They may be harmless reef sharks but it is quite hard to set that straight in your brain for the first little bit!

It’s magic out here and everyone should try and make it – even if Vince isn’t with you…